Bird..o my lonesome bird!

This is one of my favourite coming out letter written to one of my college buddy whom I had fallen for!


deary,

i know why i am writing this to you.its nothing but a long cherished desire to let u know about something not very important,something whimsical but wonderful,worthy but woe-giving!

i was madly,deeply,stupidly,arrogantly and devaatatingly in love with u.i moved in to the hall just to be with you.well,i ws lucky as i had availed myself of the opportunity and was almost broken into pieces when i lost it.sounds funny or terrible?whatvere!

i awfully liked the way u grab smone from back..or shud i say u used to grab meeeeeee from back....i went ga ga for it and also i liked sm more things about u....ur stylish attitude,demanour and being ''gifted wid gabon''.i loved the way ur body smells and it was enough for me to melt down on bed while we use to shre beds together.quiet crazy?huh?or slutty?

well,i am sexually attracted to men(dats why one can call me 'homo-sexual' and ofcourse i have been wid boys/menz b4....none from glhs,ndc or dmc certainly...its a different era) and i ud love to be loved by a man(so to say..i am gay...colorfully cool).but for u,all i felt was ''love''.........lust wasnt there at all.there was care.there was feelings and immense trust on u.i donno what ppl say to u about me caring so much for u.but sm of those came to my ear also and i really didnt mind.because i was in love.pure love!btw,u were the third one.......i mean ma third ''crush''......the two others were from am schools and college respectively.....(ma two other so good friends.....still dey like me like b4)......but wid urs.......it was ''actively'' most potent!....do i sound like a hellish creature badly infected wid love-ria?..!

i can understand that perhaps u cud have guesssed about ma feelings a lil bit.and the way u react......whatever it was ''apparently' cruel,heart-breaking,torchuring....may be it was the right thing for u to do.....because day by day i was 'stupidly'' gettin ''possessive'' about u and u were becoming 'awful' like never-b4.and suddenly,it blast!..........boom!!!!!

in that cold,clamy night...the worst night of ma life....wid mosquitoes and bone-aching chill out there near the pond of the hostel....only gods knew ma condition....!however,perhaps that was in store for me..how to escape ma fate?and perhaps dat one tormented night lft such a bad impression in ma mind..........i dont like to stay at dmc hostel at alll!

why do we fall in love?a tough question indeed!.whom shud we fall in love wid?..its a tougher one!

but the toughest one is...why do we fail to forget that incomplete lovestory?can we hate that person instead?no..never!it just keeps peepin in the mind....and flashing like a black-n-white scene of cinema in front of eyes.

well,i tried many things...to hate u,to forget u...to avoid u....but failed in everycase.but the good news is wid time i grow up...i have friends who teach me to see life from different aspects...cherish it....love it and live it!....dats why i think after so many days,i am able to say all these to u without any hasitation!

aah..about ma sexual orientation....i am nt confused and ofcourse i am clear to myself(coming out is no more a big dilemma)..........the gay circuit of dhaka is big and bad....all the fouls plays of so called ''straight'' world is available here..yet here is also true love blooms and nt wither away in every case!

well,i can feel that..the mail is goin quiet in a unbalanced way....yet i am happy as its all about sm closetted truth!

what else?lemme think!

nah..no more today......the mail is completely motive-less.......a simple one and nt demanding!

i am happy as like a true friend , i tried to find out the 'good',trust-worthy abir from u and u were so good wid me for whatever short period it was!and ofcourse..i still miss the ''grabbing from back'' a lot....almost every night i remember u just for this one thing!

take care.wish u a very happy eid mubarak and happy new year.if u wish,send a reply.if u dont,den dont.its no biggie!

wid love!

shuvro

foot-note:just because i have ''been there'' and ''done that''..........no need to think that i am a good ''lay'' for every tom,dick and harry i come across.......sex was never ma one-n-only passion!